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  • Writer's pictureDr. Speshal Walker Gautier a.k.a. Dr. Spesh

Sis, “The Ghost of Relationships Future” has arrived.

So if you’ve seen A Christmas Carol, or any derivative of it then you know “The Ghost of Relationships Future” is an admonishing ghost.  This ghost typically comes through with the scared straight vibes.  They provide you with a glimpse into a dreary future to show you where things are headed if you don’t change your ways.  Since you know that I won’t drag it.  In short, if nothing changes, nothing changes.  You cannot continue approaching relationships in the same ways expecting to get different results. So if you have identified an unhealthy pattern in your past and/or present relationships then you have to move differently to experience the kind of love you want and deserve.

Rather than paint a bleak picture of loneliness and relationship dysfunction, this ghost has chosen to spare you.  If you're struggling with love and romance then you’re probably all too familiar with what it looks and feels like to be in this space.  You may have practically given up on love and dating because you’ve convinced yourself that it’s unattainable. But what if it’s not?  What if it was possible to choose and experience the type of love your heart desires?

I want you to take a moment to envision it.  Give yourself full permission to take a look around at this possible future.  The one filled with healthy secure love and emotional intimacy… a love that allows you to feel vulnerable and safe at the same time… the kind that weathers through challenging moments… a love where joy is experienced in the big and the small moments.  Can you see a partner who loves and nurtures you, a partner who shows up in the ways that matter the most? Tell me what you see Sis. Whose life is this? What if I told you it could be yours? Maybe you can fully lean in as this ghost shows you this future. Maybe you’re having trouble taking it in because you have never experienced anything remotely similar. Perhaps you’re somewhere in between, skeptical yet open to such possibilities.

I invite you to allow yourself to go there.  Too often Black women are told what we can and can’t have in a world that constantly questions our worth.  And yet in the face of obstacles we channel our resilience.  Let this be your reminder that despite what you have experienced or internalized, you are worthy and deserving of love. So dare to dream it, see it, and dare I add, go out and choose it!

Dr. Spesh is an Atlanta-based Clinical Psychologist, blogger, and consultant.

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