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  • Writer's pictureDr. Speshal Walker Gautier a.k.a. Dr. Spesh

Sis, Talk to yourself in the mirror with Beyonce energy.

One of my favorite lines in Meg the Stallion’s “Savage” remix is when Queen Bey says “Talking to myself in the mirror like, Bitch you my boo!” Like many of Meg’s tracks, the song exudes a bossed up, female empowerment vibe which I love. The mirror moment embodied by ‘Yonce is priceless. Beyond the surface, I hear the line as a deeper depiction of self-talk. This line is the inspiration for this love letter about how we talk to ourselves as Black women.

Black women have long been dismissed and undervalued by the society in which we exist. In some spaces, we have been over-scrutinized for how we look or act yet dismissed and made invisible in others. We have had to remind ourselves that we matter, while simultaneously reminding the world around us. So when you talk to yourself what are you saying, Sis? Are you kind, compassionate, and encouraging? Or does your self-talk tend to be critical, unforgiving, or judgmental? Do you create your own standards and narratives, or have you internalized the harmful expectations that have often been created for us rather than by us as Black women?

If you are looking for love, you must first learn to love yourself the way you want to be loved. This starts with the ways you do or don’t show up for yourself. The way we engage with and talk to ourselves matters deeply. Now Sis, we’re not talking about arrogance, but we are talking about confidence. We also aren’t just talking about hyping yourself up when you feel cute. That’s cool, but we are talking about how you speak to yourself on the regular. We all have moments when we aren’t so kind to ourselves or when we are way too hard on ourselves. This isn’t about beating yourself up when and if that happens. Instead, this is a reminder to notice and make necessary changes when you catch yourself engaging in negative self-talk.

Look at yourself in the mirror, Sis. Settle into your Issa Rae Insecure mirror moment. What is it that you need to say? What is it that you need to hear? Channel that Meg & Beyonce energy. Empower yourself. If you are your own boo, then how are you going to treat yourself? During good and bad times, how are you going to love yourself? As you answer these questions, make a decision to accept nothing less in your romantic life. Remember you set the standard for how you are treated, Sis.

*Dr. Spesh is an Atlanta based Clinical Psychologist, blogger, and diversity consultant.*

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