Sis, Is It Time to Clean Out Your Closet?

Fall has finally (maybe) arrived in Atlanta, and I did a fall closet purge that was long overdue. 

To be clear, this isn’t some annual purge. My history is sporadic sweeps where I toss a few things and talk myself into keeping the rest.

I kept looking at those crowded hangers, knowing damn well I wasn't going to wear most of what was in there. I found 6-inch platform heels that belonged in a time capsule, right next to the peplum tops and blazers we used to wear out to the club back in the millennial work-club attire era. I laugh about it now, but honestly, there were two real reasons I kept putting this off.

The first was the labor. Sorting a closet takes hours, and I kept waiting for a free weekend to show up. Nobody was going to hand me one.

The second was the discomfort of letting go. I sat on my bedroom floor holding those heels, and my brain went straight to negotiating. What if I need these later? What if platforms come back? Deciding what fits the current version of me forced me to say goodbye to an older version of myself and a season that has passed.

The whole process got me thinking about change. It takes real time and energy, and it can be painfully slow. Staying the same is so much easier. Sticking with what's familiar and what's safe, even when the shoe literally no longer fits, often feels more comfortable than taking a chance on something new. Change means trading the certainty of what you know for the uncertainty of what you don't.

The same two things that kept me from my closet keep a lot of us from doing our own inner work. One is the labor of sitting with yourself and examining what you're carrying and why, because breakthroughs rarely happen on their own. The other is the discomfort of admitting that some of what you're holding onto has outlived its use. The guardedness and the hypervigilance, that constant scanning of every room and every text message for what could go wrong, got built for good reason. They stay because they're familiar, and familiar gets mistaken for necessary more often than we'd like to admit.

Letting go of old relationship patterns is a risk, the same kind as letting go of 40% of my closet. What if I need these later? Swap the shoes and bandage dresses for the guardedness that kept you safe from harm in the past, and the question stays the same. After enough years, what you learned to do to stay safe starts to feel like your personality. That fear is real, Sis. Holding on to all of it out of fear of being vulnerable keeps your nervous system on high alert, always scanning, never fully at rest. Give it enough time, and you're standing in a closet so full you can barely move.

I did that purge to make room.

That's what I want for you this season, Sis: the clearing out. Every hanger you free up, and every old pattern you admit no longer fits the life you want, makes space for something new to come in. A new way of trusting, and someone getting to see all of you without the old armor in the way.

You can't make room for something new while you're still holding tightly to the past.

So go look at your closet, the one inside you, and maybe the one at your spot too. Ask yourself honestly: what am I still holding onto that no longer fits?

Dr. Spesh is an Atlanta-based, Licensed Clinical Psychologist, Trauma and Relationship Expert, and founder of D.I.V.E. Therapy & Consulting.

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