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  • Writer's pictureDr. Speshal Walker Gautier a.k.a. Dr. Spesh

Sis, It’s Valentine’s Day and you are worthy of love.


It’s that time of year again. The time of year when we are bombarded with flowers, chocolates, and red/pink heart-shaped everything. Valentine’s Day is upon us. Some refer to this holiday as the culmination of “Cuffin’ Season” or the moment of truth on where you stand in an ambiguous relationship. Whether you are hella single or boo’d up this weekend, remind yourself that regardless of your relationship status, you are worthy of love.


Women are often taught to value themselves based on their relationship status as if someone else choosing you is a testament to your worthiness of love. For women who have internalized this belief, Valentine’s day can be particularly tough when you are single. I am here to tell you that while your feelings about being single are valid, your narrative around being single may not be. Let me run that back. Yes, it is okay to acknowledge and express your feelings (e.g., sadness, loneliness, desire). It’s okay if Valentine’s Day has brought up anxiety about your relationship status. Pay attention to these feelings. These feelings provide useful information about your needs and desires. However, if you find that your self-worth is tied to your relationship status or someone else’s ability to love you, question the negative self-talk.


Sis, you are unconditionally worthy of love. Practice unconditional self-love and self-worth. Untether your worth from your relationship status and from the actions of others. Practice loving yourself the way you want and deserve to be loved. Give yourself what you need to feel loved. If you are in a relationship, ask for what you want and need. If you are feeling uncertain about where things stand with someone, have that uncomfortable discussion and free yourself from wondering whether or not you are on the same page. If you are single, here are some Dos and Don’ts for Valentine’s Day:


Dos

*Celebrate if you choose to! Have a Galentine’s Day, slip into something sexy, say yes to that date, or spend some time alone doing something pleasurable (e.g., a nice hot bubble bath, lighting your favorite candles, watching your favorite love movies).

*Acknowledge whatever feelings come up and meet them with compassion whether they are good or bad.

*Remind yourself that you are worthy of love and treat yourself as such.

*Connect with people who help you feel loved if you desire a sense of connection today.


Don’ts

*Do not minimize your feelings or judge yourself for having feelings.

*Do not judge yourself for being single, you are not defined by your relationship status.

*Do not put pressure on yourself about how things “should be” by comparing your relationship status to others.

*Do not torture yourself with social media if it leads to unhealthy comparison to others.

*Do not avoid or escape negative feelings by engaging in unhealthy relationships


Take good care of yourself today and every day. Happy Valentine’s Day, Sis!


(For related posts, check out the links in the article.)


*Dr. Spesh is an Atlanta based Clinical Psychologist, blogger, and diversity consultant.*


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